weeks, until next week’s Friday. God help me. Now I’m having my 15-mins break which will be over in 9 mins. I can’t wait to go back home. I’m studying in Malaysia right now and home is just across the sea.
Ever heard of Brunei?
Yea, that is where I come from. I miss it so much. The serenity and the….serenity mostly. Here, hectic life is unbearable with busy traffics and cars and people and people. I don’t like it. But maybe one day I will.
I must get this right. I wanna continue studying at Columbus university or NYU. Or somewhere. But I will. Need to remind myself to do things right. Be patience. God is always with me.
Good luck to me! I’ll be back soon to tumblr. Or maybe next week. Who knows. Laters.
Can someone be that happy and feels sad at the same time?
I was smiling to the point that it broke my heart and it was too sad. Its like so wrong to be smiling about it, cause the truth it really does…hurt in the end.
Sometimes i believe, when you look for it, it will never come.
So thats why i always look for it, i know i will be disappointed in the end but i know why i did it. i know for the very reason im looking for it. i know why.
This post. this post is….. i dedicate this post to Rachel Berry of Glee. You know, the show its not all just songs and kids around school singing. I thought im going to wait till my exam ends in late june. But, i didnt know why, i felt like i should watch it before the revision week starts. and i did. i decided i wanna watch Glee last 5 episodes. And the part where she and Tina drove to meet the Nyada’s teacher (didnt catch the place cause i was all in tears). Where… she, Rachel, didnt give up at all. how she cried and all the “i won’t give up” song and HOW TINA WAS super jealous of her achievement.. and all that episode. it was an eye-opening to me.
I dont know if you read my blog or not, but maybe youre not, but i was having a rough week, well month actually. it was terrible. i feel like i was alone and depressed. i didnt tell anyone how i really felt. it was the worst kind of feeling ever, like you were alone. i didnt know who to turn to, i felt the weight of the world on my shoulder. All the signals around me were wrong. IT WAS THE WORST TIME OF MY LIFE. its just its not like i dont have a best friend, A GREAT ONE actually, its just i didnt want…i didnt know HOW to tell her exactly how i felt. i have this problem of letting out whats bugging me.. so i kept to myself. but i was wrong. its killing me…
so back to that rachel&tina adventure, and where rachel didnt give up and all, the episode (its ep20), and me, with all the tears and all… it hit me…. it hit me… the whole ep, begin with Rachel amazing i wont give up cover, and how insisted she was with the 14 messages. and the part Puckerman broke down, and he stood up immediately, all that confidence. when Tina was sewing, and she said, something like, show some respect and be a good team player, it takes a lot of crystal to shine. All that… i mean that episode. it was an eye-opening. at the end, i feel good about myself. “im not ready to give my dreams”, said Rachel Berry. and I, I WILL NOT GIVE UP NOW! i feel good about myself after that, like i was in a deep darker place before this, but i feel good now. i have my confidence back. its.. like a new me. im better now. i feel much much much better. and im so glad i watched glee. im so glad that i found my way back to….reality.
i wanna say thank you, THANK YOU for this, Glee or Ryan Murphy for that amazing episode. i learnt something from it. what they say, its the hard way to learn a lesson. and i found my lesson. i am so glad and happy i found my way back.
This depressing thing is getting out of hand. But it’s all in the head. How can one be so intense in your own head? It’s..getting depressing. I think the things around us force us to think such things. Like all the signals given towards us are incorrect. But we’re hoping that we are wrong at the same time but this is…..all wrong.
This is insane. All..playing in my head all alone. What’s the cause? What drives this thing? What can be done to avoid this? How can your own mind tricks all these things? This shit thing is undeniably ruining all the good things in my life.
I need to get out of this mess. I need to get away from all the people around me.. I need to get back up. I need this!! I need this thing to work so I’ll be free. I will be free from..myself. Free.
